3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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