Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
