i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
