peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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