You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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