My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
