If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
FUCK WHALES
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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