My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
