new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
