No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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