I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
