Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
