Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
