Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
