sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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