ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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