I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
