one might say we're banned from that church
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
