Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just invented taco cereal.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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