Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
