On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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