There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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