college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
