just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
