sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
