You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
