I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
