Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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