How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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