i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
