Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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