The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
