I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
