Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
