i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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