We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
