Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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