I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
