I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
