Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
