Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to sanitize my soul.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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