if i died would you start the facebook group?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
