But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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