Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
