Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
