I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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