I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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