Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
