I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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