Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
