I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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