So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
