FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
