i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
