u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
