Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
