i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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